Death of a Cynic.

Originally posted on October 30th, 2008.

This last Tuesday I was driving through downtown Grand Rapids when I noticed a grungy old dude standing by the side of the road. I was stopped at a traffic light so I had a few moments to look this guy over and observe his situation. He looked cold and dirty, his eyes staring at the ground in front of him. He had a grocery bag sitting to his side with what looked like a few pieces of dirty laundry in it. He was holding a small cardboard sign that said "homeless hungry vet". People seemed to be walking by him as though he wasn't even there, barely swerving enough to keep from running him over. It was definitely an uncomfortable scene! Then the light turned green and everything was back to normal again. Well almost.

As I headed a bit further down Fulton Street I began to reflect on what I just witnessed when a pattern of familiar thoughts crossed my mind. "It's probably some sort of scam. Dude is probably just hanging out with his sign so people will give him money to buy booze with. I mean, even if he is really homeless it's probably his own fault. Seriously, I know the economy is tough and all but get a job!" He was just like all the other supposed homeless guys that I have driven by in the past.

I was ready to brush off the entire event when something hit me. I can't quite explain what happened, I personally believe it was the Holy Spirit smacking me in the face, but all of the sudden I was incredibly ashamed of my behavior. Have I really become this cynical? What if this guy was legit? What if he was really homeless? What if he was really hungry? And maybe most importantly, why do I feel like it's my job to determine if someone is really in need or not? I don't think God is asking me to choose who needs my help and who doesn't. God's calling me to love on people no matter what and take care of those who are less fortunate than me. I immediately turned the car around.

Of course I didn't have a single dollar on me, but that's pretty typical. What I did have was half of a 12" tuna sub from Subway, I was planning to eat it later. I circled the block and found an open parking spot just a block away from this guy. Now, in downtown GR you either need to park at a meter or in a pay parking structure. And for some reason the folks who police those meters are tenacious about it. I was just sure that if I left my car at an expired meter, even for a few minutes, I would get nailed with a ticket. So I scrounged around the car, looking for any kind of change I could use to buy myself some time. I finally found a single nickel in the cushions of the driver's seat, just enough to purchase 3 minutes of time. I jumped out of the car with my sandwich in hand, threw my precious nickel in the meter and headed down the street.

Sure enough, dude was standing right where I left him, holding the same sign, staring at the same spot on the pavement. I walked up to him and explained that I had passed by a few minutes ago, I honestly didn't have any cash on me, but that he was welcome to have my sandwich if he wanted it. He looked up and with tears in his eyes said "that would be great." I shook his hand, thanked him for his service to our country, and told him I would pray for him. Then I returned to my vehicle just as the time on my meter ran out. As I took back off down the street I noticed the same guy, now sitting on the curb with his sign on the ground, eating the sandwich I had given him.

I hope you all know that I'm certainly not telling this story to show how great of a guy I am or anything like that. If anything I am still quite embarrassed about my terrible attitude, and how calloused I have become. How could I have developed a complete apathy for the people around me? Sure there are scam artists out there that are just looking to make a quick buck, but there are also real needy people out there too. Was this particular guy legit? I guess I don't know, and it doesn't even matter. If I was scammed then I'm out a sandwich and a nickel. Who cares?! This is how I am called to live my life. To look after the orphans and widows of the world. To take care of those who are less fortunate than myself. To love on people, no matter what the circumstances and no matter what other people might think of me. It's my calling as a Christian, and as a fellow human being. I hope and pray that next time I notice another person in need I can put aside all my crap and show some compassion. I'm heading back to GR tomorrow and I plan to keep an eye open for this guy, and I'm packing an extra sandwich.